She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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