I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
