My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
