My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
