we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
