When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
