Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
