Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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