the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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