Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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