Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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