He is like the real live version of the state fair..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
