This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
