i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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