Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
