I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize