Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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