We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
