It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
