So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
