If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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