I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
