He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize