I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
