I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
