dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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