All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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