i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
