I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
