i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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