You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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