worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize