Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
