watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
