You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
