he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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