She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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