this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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