That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize