Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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