Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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