I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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