I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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