I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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