i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
