Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
