i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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