he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
