Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
