I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
