While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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