why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
