i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
