toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just pee around me
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
