twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
