Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
