Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I skipped work to stalk him.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
