The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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