As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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