so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
