no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
