haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
