watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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