I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
