someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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