my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
