I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
