god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
cat food counts as protein by the way
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
