you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is it penis luge time yet?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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