the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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