I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize