Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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