I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
