I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize