i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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