you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
