Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
