This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
