Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
