omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
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