I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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