fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
