no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
