i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
