Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
