if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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