I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
