did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize