i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
