Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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