someone threw a dead crab at me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
