I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
