No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
