I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
