Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
