Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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