They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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