fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
