You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize