i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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