i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
