Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
