I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
