if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
