I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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