hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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