Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize