Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
