remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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