dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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