I need help removing her.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
